okay folks...first in a long time as I've been pretty daaaaaamn busy. But here we go...
A while back ago I proposed this idea of relationships having to be based on four levels of connection. For a relationship to work or for them to last there must be some remnant of these four things.
Physical - Do they get me off in bed? or specifically, "am I physically attracted to them"
Emotional - how do they make me feel after getting off in bed/ are they sweet and nice and caring...blah blah blah....do they make me feel good.
Intellectual - Can we talk about more than the absorbancy power of a sponge
Spiritual - Can they understand and respect my values and beliefs
The difficulty as I wrote before is that often times we only rely on one or two of these things and when we hit hard or rough patches in our relationships, the whole damn thing falls apart. For more detail guys look at my blog earlier called, "Can you hear me now" it's early on....it's a great one.
Anyways....some people have asked me a lot about this theory and would often tell me that they didn't feel "physically" attracted to their partner at first...which got me thinking..."maybe they don't 'fit' that idea"...so after more thinking and questioning people about relationships I think I found another theory that I feel addresses this issue...
I am here to propose an extension and revamping of the original four.
Emotional - How do they make me feel
Intellectual - can we talk about more than the absorbancy power of a sponge
Spiritual - can they understand and respect my values and beliefs
Social - Can my family/group of friends deal/accept/get along with my new relationship
You need these four things in order for the fifth one to "work"
physical - Can they get me off in bed/do I feel physically into this person
So in many cases I propose that you need this new one...social connection... as a means of relationship connection. I realize that many may not agree, but the simple fact is that your family and/or social circle must at times give a blessing to the relationship.
If you have the above four in place: Emotional, Intellectual, Spiritual, Social then Physical will then fall into place.
TAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAA
p.s. keep sending your questions to me...I will get to them...also...post your replies by hitting "philosophize"....it grows with your comments ;)
hmm reading ur new blog entry
ReplyDeletei like htis one better
i just starrted dating someone
for a while there was no chemistry
at least on my side
but lately i started feeling chemistry because he kinda fit most of the 3-4 qualifications
which made him more sexy and attractive to me
i always thought initial attraction was key
but maybe sometimes it just needs time
like good wine
anyways the physical interest is just lately starting to bloom
sooo i guess it IS possible to get that later
if it wans't for my friends who told me i should give it a chance i don't think i would have given this guy a 2nd thought
i dunno man i need her to be hot an like extra spicy hot for me to get with her. maybe this is more for women but for guys i think that as long as they are hot i can get with them and kinda deal with all the other shit as it comes a long. i think that women need to make sure that their man is liked by friend or moms and shit but for a man if she has a nice ass or rack your friends dont really give a crap ya know? but thats just me.
ReplyDeleteHmm interesting. Women want hot men too...not someone butt ugly that they can't even stand looking at. But sometimes the hotness factor increases when u have some key 'features' like special ad-ons to a car. Sometimes when the chemistry is so-so it can get better later on once they learn how to use these special features that were added on to the car. I don't think you can ever relegate the 'physical' as a result of the 4 qualities. I think the physical interest has to always be there to some degree, even if its a minute possibility in the beginning.
ReplyDeleteHm. Maybe it's not so much that the person's family and friends have to accept the new relationship, but rather can the relationship (the person) fit into the other person's social life. So that the person doesn't have to live a separate new relationship life from the life already established with friends and family. Although, in some cases, some people straing up don't care. Mmmm hmmm.
ReplyDeleteAnd even then, I don't know if you need those four to make the fifth work. Maybe it's just timing and order... Hm. Very interesting, Mr. Psych! But will think further on this one.
You know. I thought about it s'more (mmm s'mores) and I can see a situation in which all first four areas are hit and are a definite GO!, but the physical attraction just never comes. I mean with those four areas there could be some strong amazing bonding, but it might never go past a friendship...
ReplyDeleteI think about my friends: emotional connection, yes; intellectual connection, yes; social connection, yes (as in, they fit into my life, not that they are stamped with the approval); spiritual connection; yes.
But I ain't gonna sleep with each and every one of my friends, guy or girl. (EW. No offense, sorry).
And maybe it IS different for men and women. No clue.
So what is it that catalyzes that physical aspect? I think for some people it really is just looks/appearances (they see the hot chick with the "nice ass and rack," ahem), and for the others...?
Maybe it all fits under the umbrella of biology, and it's just something biological. Something that looks inexplicably right (not necessarily "hot" or "good looking" but just "right"), smells right, talks right, walks/moves right, does the little ritual mating dance and BAM. That's the mystery of it, I guess. And maybe it really is just the timing and order of things...some people take longer to realize this LOOKS/SMELLS/FEELS right because of the other four areas, but also...
...the need to feel safe and protected in a "relationship." I think human bonding is important and we look for it all the time in our interactions( the acceptance and belonging), and isn't a relationship the ultimate acceptance and belonging? And maybe the feeling of bonding is different with different people, so that when we meet one person as opposed to another, we might feel the click of "complete" bonding and we can feel safe and protected together with this person in that relationship. And THEN maybe what follows is the continuing need to feel safe and the continuing need to keep protecting that bond from the outside world (because it's a mad mad world out there, ya know!)
Eh, no clue still....my head hurts.
I like Action Hero's 2nd response. When it comes to relationships, at least for most women we DO want to have the feeling of being safe and protected (acceptance and belonging) and so that is definitely what most of us are looking for. Although I keep thinking about it back n forth, I don't think you can really define it all with a few characteristics laid out by Mr. Psych....I feel the pain Action Hero...My head hurts thinking about it too!
ReplyDelete