6. So Tired

you know, i'm just so freakin' tired. we are all at one point pulled into a situations of create or dissipate, make or break, surge or flee decisions. We are forced, almost rhythmically, into points in our life when it demands your soul's essence, it demands every bit of energy and every ounce of whatever you have in you, it demands actions and even your own sense of reality. It squeezes any grasp that you think you have on what is happening around you, any sense of comfort and like a balloon, pierces it while you try and patch up the hole- and in fact, reminds you that you are perceptibly along for the ride, that you are the ant in it's glass farm, trying not to get lost. We are tangible, to an extent- puppets, led into decisions right or wrong and forced to choose our path. requisite or indecorous, pissed or serene, we are enslaved to it's rules, it's boundaries and ultimately it's determination, karma or kismit if you will. It charges and thrusts you so far before you are expected to step up, before you have to pull out those little drops of whatever is in you, that last breath, that last strand of strength and simply stick your finger out and say "fuck you world, I will not bend over..." That's the change, that's the outcome, it's up to us in effect to decide how much we want to take, how much we will be contrained to. be the balloon, say fuck it and slowly deflate until there's nothing left? blow it all and let the hole burst your being? or patch it up and carry on...i'll tell you what though, eventually, all those patches will add up...and no pin will penetrate what's inside...
In life it doesn't matter how hard you push back, or how hard you fight...all that matters is how much you can get pushed and still move forward..tired, bruised and all...how much will you take and still keep moving forward.